translation

Apparently some of you are perfumed landlubbers who don't speak Pirate. Here is a translation for you poor souls:

Yarrrr!
HI.

At one of the smaller seas we've sailed on our trans-continental voyage,
WHEN WE WERE DRIVING THROUGH KENTUCKY,

we found ourselves with E-van-gelicals to both port and starboard. "Surrender to cap'n Jesus or yer a scalliwag!" They bellowed, aiming fifty cross-cannons at us. "Ye'll rot in the bilge for the rest of yer days, arrrr."
WE SAW A BILLBOARD THAT SAID "ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR NOW OR REGRET IT FOREVER!"

"Scurvy dogs, the lot o' ya!" we growled, putting them to stern with the wind full in our sails. "We'll not surrender while we've rum left or ocean ahead of us!" They rattled their sabers and cursed us for sea-dogs, but our ship (the Penske) proved herself the fastest in the waters, and we soon escaped to more civilized seas.
"WELL GOSH, THAT'S KIND OF A SILLY WAY TO GET PEOPLE INTO YOUR RELIGION," WE SAID, AND DROVE ONWARD.

Let this be a lesson in the fact that Pirate is the best language around. :)

PS--If you like pirates, research Pastafarianism. You'll probably find it to your taste (ho ho ho).